Some hilarious stereotypes concerning the unemployed.

courtesy of our friends at creative commons.

If you look carefully you can spot us there. I’m the one in the yellow t-shirt.

Selbstverständlich

One common hobby of the unemployed is apple-selling – what a lark!

We are trying very hard to be serious about being unemployed. We want beards too.

Coming next: Photos of Santa’s little elves selling apples while standing in a soupline covered in glitter.

tips for the newly unemployed….

Its been almost a year since I found out i was joining the dole queue, the infinite irritating dole queue…annnyhooo to cheer myself up and feel less useless I have been mulling over a few facts about unemployment survival.

1) accept that you will feel like shite for a while, no amount of reading or seeing or hearing on the radio about the other 400,000+ people out of work will make you feel any less “why meee…*sob*” its a normal reaction.

2) Accept that they lied to you in school, the ‘right attutide’ and ‘hard work’ don’t actually pay off, least not when your not in charge of the finances of the country and broader world economies….

3) The financial regulator didn’t do his job, now we are all fucked, move on…complaining is fine, don’t let it keep you awake.

4) You will now empty your change jar contents into your wallet, rather than visa-versa

5) plan out your day, shower, load the dishwasher, search aimlessly for jobs, empty the dishwasher… etc… and then on the weekend take a break like the employed folks do…

6) Accept that some people you know are a bit mean, prepare for the “how hard are you really looking for work” type remarks, not that blunt but it’s there underneath, these types usually still have jobs so they don’t understand.

7) save some money, you are broke but you still need a little pot of “woe is me, I need new item/holiday/night of drinking money to just splurge.

8) tone down your CV, the local shop wants to know you once worked in a shop, not that were promoted/amazing/uber qualified for other now unattainable jobs. Its goodbye ‘career’ and hello ‘job’ time. If they feel they won’t be able to boss you around then they wont hire you. It’s like your 19 again. Depressing but true.

9) most of your inbox will contain emails saying ” unfortunately you have not been successful…”  If yes, repeat the following :HAH, you say to yourself, fuck you, I was actually REALLYsuccessful, it’s just that the government fucked up everything and my career has ended abruptly - don’t want your stoopid job anyway” Only don’t reply with this, its only for your ears

10) A job is a job, it won’t be your forever job, but if your use to working its hard sitting at home all day, so take what comes along, to hell with your old standards.

Thats it really, times is tough, reallllllyyy tough. You’ll have good days and bad days and sleepless nights, give yourself a break, its not your fault the bank did what it did.